**Trigger Warning** Abuse / Autism Moms
You may have noticed I have unofficially declared war on Autism Mom’s™. It’s definitely a topic that trigger high emotions and I now want to share my “why”.
I had an Autism Mom.
But there was no internet. No Mommy bloggers. And we lived in a small country town so no Mother’s Groups either.
But she still found a way to put on a show and she made damn sure she had the starring role. She played her violin to anyone who would listen, about how her life was destroyed because of her damaged child.
Because I wouldn’t listen. Because I wouldn’t do as I was told.
Because I would spin. Because I wasn’t “normal”.
She would lament how hard it was for her, to be my Mother.
She would cry that her life was over.
And I heard it all.
Just because it didn’t seem like I was listening, because I wasn’t making eye contact.
I heard every word.
The phrase that hurt the most was, “I sacrificed my life for you” which is why it is featured below.
But then to my face, which caused me so much confusion, when we felt she did have my full attention, she’d tell me I was her princess, her special little everything. But it always felt off. I spent so many years of my life, dismissing this as abuse, because I would think “but she said she loved me.”
But that’s not love. And no child deserves that. No child should ever be made to feel like a burden, regardless of their needs.
And I am filled with horror, when I think – “What if I had been born 30 years later and she has access to the internet?”
Now I have children, who don’t appear to listen.
They also don’t do as they are told.
But my life isn’t hard. It is wonderful.
And there certainly is nothing wrong with them.
I had a choice to become the star of my own story of tragedy or just love my children and myself for who we are. But there really wasn’t even a choice.
So behind my snark, there is sadness.
Behind my jokes, there is a deep ache.
But I have healed enough to know that not all Mothers are the same.
I don’t assume they’re all alike. Not for a second.
I have recovered enough to now believe that that little girl was worth so much more.
But I know that pain all too well, of having a Mother who makes herself the star of a tragic story who has been burdened with a broken child – and I’m going to do all I can, to bring healing, love and truth to the world. To write a new script of what it’s really like to have an Autistic child – and close the curtain on a dark chapter and live the rest of my life in full colour.
~ The Bullshit Fairy x